I told myself that I would NOT cry just because my baby is turning one. In fact, I've always prided myself on being very un-mushy and devoid of all the silly, girly emotions that can be downright annoying (especially when glorified in bad chick flicks), but becoming a mother has changed me in a lot of ways.
Although I've never been particularly emotional I am pretty sentimental so there is no way that I would let Samuel's 1st birthday pass without marking the occasion significantly, so tonight I wrote him a very heartfelt letter about our first year together and I cried about a bucket. I thought it was appropriate since I also wrote him a letter right before he was born. I cried a bucket then too.
I think part of why I cried a bucket tonight is because it reminded me of one of the first nights after we brought him home. He was so tiny and orange (jaundice) and beautiful and helpless and I kept thinking about how his tiny little hand would some day be bigger than mine and how when he was in my tummy I never had to worry about him, he was always right there, but now I have to share him with the world. Most of all I thought about how he would grow up faster than I would ever realize and that before I know it he will be a man who doesn't need his Mommy. I cried about 3 buckets that night, but I blame the two extra buckets on postpartum hormones.
Here's hoping that I got all the tears out tonight so Saturday will be full of nothing but joy and happiness. (And for those of you keeping track we are up to 5 buckets of tears which is certainly some kind of record for me).
